Un Homme et Une Femme [part 1]
Couple of weeks ago, I generally overviewed how people perceive each other in terms of relationship status. This post, however, shall zoom in to focus on the couples who are the bipolar of any relationship. Hereby I am dealing with the form of ‘straight married couples’ and shall refer to them by the term ‘Partners’ who are keen to reach a successful marriage. Other future posts might deal with partners who fail to make it successful.
To recap, I footed the previously mentioned post with my perspective for marriage which can be summed up as "an agreement between two partners to have an intimate relationship for a lifetime (or so) that sustains both of them and makes a meaning to this empty world of them." I am to synthesize this sentence in order to reach the basic concept of marriage.
What about Marriage?
Simply, I believe that a successful marriage pass by the following levels:
- Observation: the two partners are aware about a life they want to share together;
- Intimacy: the two partners are keen about sharing this life with each other;
- Understanding: the two partners are aware about their differences;
- Esteem: the two partners respect their differences.
In simple few words: “want to share life --> keen about sharing/caring --> understand differences --> respect such differences”.
Therefore, in the light of this analysis, I see marriage is about creating a ‘balanced medium’ for the positive integration of their unique forces that are required for each to play their corresponding role in the society. No Utopia I know be patient.
The mentioned levels simply lead them to acquire the necessarily knowledge to implement for the effectuation of their sharable life; something that they both should be aware about. Hence it is not about ‘retouching their social image’ in the eyes of other people, not something that happens accidentally/by luck; rather it depends basically on their awareness.
Consequently, life of these partners is no one but themselves; only the two can take decisions for what suites them and what do not. In many Arab/Eastern societies, family plays important role in the life of the married couples; I can understand this and appreciate it.
When the couples ask for advice from the elders, this is acceptable and understood but this is for a limit that the family don’t interfere in a way that they control their life, either the husband’s or the wife’s so limits should be clearly bordered. Same goes for friends; I do not think at all that the way public do by sharing everything with friends is healthy for the marriage and you can not take advices from anyone but who you trust he/she keens about you.
You may ask: “What about Love?” Well, love is the basic bond that helps them to pass through such process of acquiring knowledge; the more they know, the more they understand, and the more they apply and this is what makes a successful marriage and fuel it with the required energy to move forward. Of course there is no utopia on Earth so I am talking about passing through the mundane problems and other normal problems on both the short and the long runs.
Ironically, this is how Islam counts marriage. This will defiantly make you wonder about problems that you hear/see/read between Muslim married people, however I see complete difference between Islam as an ideology and how some Muslims apply, unfortunately.
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on June 27, 2009 | 7:32 PM
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June 28th, 2009 @ 16:06
Wow this post is very enlightening . You know for me i think love comes when you find something to love in the other person so the acquiring process for me starts together with love other was i woud not even bather …
P.S. tweeted …
Sam Sall´s last blog ..Iran after the presidential elections
June 28th, 2009 @ 22:09
Sam I liked your point of view so much.
Thanks for stopping by here.
June 29th, 2009 @ 16:36
Hi Hicham! First, I’d like to thank you for visiting again and your warm greetings.
I have to admit, I married way too early and I wasn’t ready for the “differences”, and oh my, there were so many! Plus, I was hard-headed when I was younger. Ours was a little bumpy but I’m glad our love was able to surpass that.
Liza´s last blog ..Music Monday #13
July 1st, 2009 @ 12:02
You are welcome, Liza.
Thanks for sharing your expirence with us. It’s great that ‘love’ helped both of you to surpss that and that’s mean my post is right in something
June 29th, 2009 @ 16:59
Some say that love is a four letter word, what that means I’m not entirely sure, but when we all find that true meaningful love, we should try to keep onto it for as long as possible, it doesn’t come around everyday!
Karen @ Blazing Minds´s last blog ..UK Heatwave to Break Temperature Records!
July 1st, 2009 @ 12:03
Agree with you, Karen. Thanks for stopping by here!
June 29th, 2009 @ 21:40
I do agree as I think partnership is actually not about religion, but about mutual trust for equal opportunities.
RennyBA´s last blog ..Meeting The Queer Chef on a hot summer day in Oslo Norway
July 1st, 2009 @ 12:04
Renny, I liked that term: ‘mutual trust’ so much; it is the right one that adds a lot to what I wrote!
June 30th, 2009 @ 06:26
Hi Hicham! This is a great post, I love it! It really explains how marriage is all about being considerate and giving each other respect- and I also find that it’s important to always think that everything your partner does is based on love for you, or it’s easy to misunderstand his or her actions and get your feelings hurt!
Adrenalynn´s last blog ..It’s going to be a great summer. Because I said so.
July 1st, 2009 @ 12:05
Exactly Adrenalynn. It’s a two-way understanding process not one way!
June 30th, 2009 @ 08:10
I like the way u summarized the concept of marriage: sharing, caring, understanding and respect… u said it all in just four wise words.
I’m glad I found your space, will keep visiting it.
Thanks for your support to my blog.
Gabi
July 1st, 2009 @ 12:06
Gabi, I am glad that I know about your blog from dear Paulo’s. You’re doing great there
Thanks for stopping by here!
June 30th, 2009 @ 19:26
I am lucky to say I have an amazing husband (partner), and we are growing together, spiritually speaking. It is a really beautiful thing. Thanks for this lovely post on partnership.
Molly´s last blog ..Coming From A Place of Spontaneity
July 1st, 2009 @ 12:09
It’s great Molly that you find that ‘partner’ either for men or for women.
Thanks for sharing your story with us!
July 1st, 2009 @ 19:52
Great post! I have to say for me and my partner our marriage or as we like to call it “unity” is really rooted in unconditional love, which not that I am judging but I feel is missing in many relationships not just marriage.
I think that being God’s people we should all exhibit that unconditional love paradigm. Sure it is not always easy, but I think being aware of it and working towards it, is what also brings us closer to understanding God.
Evita´s last blog ..Solitary Moments
July 2nd, 2009 @ 15:44
Evita, you placed an insgithful point regarding relationship with God.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts regarding your marriage. I think ‘uncoditional love’ is what I mean by how the 2 partners understand each other well!
July 2nd, 2009 @ 06:41
Hi, Hicham ! Thanks, for visiting my blog.
This is an amazing post. I do agree that Islam has clearly defined its concept about marriage but some muslims fail to apply.
Shabnam Sultan´s last blog ..New black hole found
July 2nd, 2009 @ 15:45
Indeed Shabnam! Welcome to my blog and glad that I found yours.
July 2nd, 2009 @ 09:09
Hi Hicham. I’m not married yet but I do believe in happy endings and happy ever after, of course. And I think one of the most important keys to a successful marriage is to CHOOSE THE RIGHT MATE
oh thanks for visiting my blog!
Monica´s last blog ..June’s Top EC Droppers
July 2nd, 2009 @ 15:46
You are right Monica. Choosing Mr. Right/Mrs. Right is essential yet it’s about how to choose!
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
July 2nd, 2009 @ 10:07
Nice post indeed Hicham!
Some times we forget what we wanted and dreamed of in this life, then life goes down because we are so busy to think about it and give it a few minutes to rewind memory tape.
I think I can add this to have a successful marriage: remind your partner always with your dreams together, because hope gives you strength to go on with life!
Thanks Hicham for the great read of today!
Hesham´s last blog ..How to Stripe a Single Line of Advertising Message on your Blog
July 2nd, 2009 @ 15:50
Hesham thank you so much: you’ve highlighted on a very important point.
Yeah the lifestyle we live today put us under pressure that sometimes make us forget many simple things, so it’s importat to make that pause and rewind in order to keep on moving!
July 3rd, 2009 @ 23:44
I think where some marriages fall apart is when people get into a marriage knowing that their partners have some little quirks and thinking that once married they can change them. Mistake. Marriage means accepting the partner for what they are and growing to love the differences and not wanting to change them.
Sire´s last blog ..To Blog Or Not To Blog, That Is The Question
July 4th, 2009 @ 13:01
Sire, you also highlighted on important point; how they ‘think’ they can change each other!
July 4th, 2009 @ 03:16
hai friend,good post for uand nice blogg,…thanks !!!
global warming´s last blog ..greenpeace news
July 4th, 2009 @ 12:49
Thanks GW! You’ve a nice blog too regarding the ‘global warming’ issue!
July 7th, 2009 @ 06:24
As I am newly married I think this post is really helpful to me and my partner to keep a healthy and happy relationship between us. Thanks for sharing this useful information.
July 8th, 2009 @ 00:31
What i think is pairs are made in heaven and we come together in the form of a knot that is called marriage. it’s a small knot which we need to care that it wont get opened even by mistake. And for that there is a simple rule to follow, that is find the similarities and respect the differences which can make any relationship successful.
July 8th, 2009 @ 02:51
Exactly. But it seems people like to look for things that make them apart more than things that make them close!
July 16th, 2009 @ 01:32
People are just searching for a temperory and artificial happyness and nothing else.. In this world, the meaning of love has completely changed and the new name for love is attraction..
July 15th, 2009 @ 15:17
Thanks for dropping by my blog Hicham.
I am so impressed by this post…a real gem of wisdom. I have often wondered about this topic…when people ask me what I look for in someone, I always reply that I want someone who will not try to change me and I guess that fits into the understanding and respecting difference.
I believe in any relationship it is natural that changes will take place in the characters of both partners but I do think that it should be a spontaneous thing that comes freely from each party rather than something demanded- which unfortunately seems to be the case in many relationships here in Egypt.
July 15th, 2009 @ 18:51
Indeed, Amira. That kind demanding a ’spontaneous change’ doesn’t fit at all because every person has his/her unique personality so better understanding than demanding. Unfortunately, people -either in Egypt or Arab reigon- used to follow ‘cultural heritage’ regardig marriage that in contradicts in most cases with the principal of religion if we talked about religion, and contradicts with principal of humanity if we talked about it.
Thanks for stopping by here. I enjoyed what I read over your blog too.