Relationship Status
“Single”, “Married” and “Divorced” are the three statuses that plot relationships among humans in terms of sharing life with somebody. I am not mentioning “widowed” since the corresponding partner has already traveled to another life beyond our conscious plus unconscious minds and this post is dealing with our mundane life.
Relationship Status
Earthly speaking, I wonder how people run a lot of queries in order to know precisely the current relationship status of others. Surprisingly at least for me, this – always – affects their perception for the image rendered about that person in the light of the results.
This attitude can be clearly figured out in a long trip of various social activities that starts from engagement and wedding parties, passing by charity events and ironically ends with funeral ceremonies. You always find people babbling about:
- “How come a handsome guy like him did not marry yet!”
- “Look now she is in her 30s and still single!”
- “How come that he or she married that moron!”
- “Oh! Here he (or she) is again after getting divorced!” which is least but not the last in this endless list of nonsense babbling about someone’s relationship status!
On one hand, I find these reactions silly yet intruding since they offer nothing but wasting valuable time in nonsense. At least if they offer something useful, I would have understood but unfortunately they do not. My claim is simply since we are different due to our personalities therefore it is not necessarily that some people must follow the same mainstream as the majority does; either in social activities or changing their relationship statues.
Society and Marriage
I have to highlight that my elaborations is not against marriage; of course it is not; rather this is against the general trend that proclaims: since people are married in someway therefore others must follow their footsteps exactly or else they will be considered behaving strangely which means another polite term for aliens in case you do not know.
On the other hand, as for marriage, I always reply the early mentioned query by: “why should I do so?” This is an inquisitive not a denunciative question that aims to know what detective Conan – I mean the person who asked me – thinks about and I get these stereotyped answers that you know especially in the eastern and Arab mentality of men and women and their images about relationship status.
Straightforward to the point, marriage simply means an agreement between two partners to have an intimate relationship for lifetime – or so – that sustains both of them and makes a meaning for this empty world of them. This comes through achieving balance which is the medium for their forces to healthily interact in order that both play their corresponding role in life on mother Earth.
Consequently, this requires a high-level of understanding for the Un Homme et Une Femme‘s relationship; about how to care and share on different level of interaction not merely love which is essential of course but not the only factor. Hereby, this can be implemented when both understand their differences and deal with them on a base of respect. Nevertheless, in case this balance is defected for whatever reason, divorce is the salvation because it is not about misery.
In a nutshell, “no body wants to be lonely”; however filling this black hole does not mean to accept the social oppression just to complete the social image regardless the personnel by filling in the spaces to determine your relationship status. Hereby, I do not understand why people tied themselves to a miserable marriage just for this perfect shot, which is another story for a future post and surprisingly – for the 2nd time – this is the core of Islamic faith when it views marriage as a strong noose between man and woman, as Almighty Allah (swt) – GOD – mentioned in the Holy Quran and as The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) had mentioned in different hadiths yet many Muslims forgot this especially in the Arab world!
p.s. for my Arabic readers: this is why I do not like Seyaaset el-wefaque with its famous slogan: “Ya bakht mn waffaque rassain fi el-halal” and you know the rest!
in Arabic: ولهذا السبب لا أحب سياسة الوفاق بمنطقها المشهور: “يا بخت من وفق راسين في الحلال” وطبعا الباقى معروف
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Published by Hicham Maged on June 11, 2009 - 7:15 AM
About Author: I am a Muslim-Arab-Egyptian person living on planet Earth; since I wonder and ponder therefore I am!
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Dear visitor, thank you for surfing the blog that renders the perspective of a Muslim, Arab, and Egyptian person who inhabits planet Earth and believes that imagination is more important than knowledge. This means the possession of knowledge should not kill our human sense of wonder and ponder! Simply in a nutshell: inquisitive curiosity paves the path of knowledge.about blog ... »
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June 13th, 2009 @ 19:05
Yeah.. no body wants to be lonely, I remember one friend of mine, his neck name on the internet was “Lonely”, What a guy!!
Anyways, I think that it’s OK when people ask about you relationship status, but the problem is that too many of them would ask about who is she?!
and this is not a lovely question, this is how I feel about it!!
by the way, from where you get all this intelligence Hicham? this is a great post my friend
Hesham’s last blog ..Zebida Fridays – Once again.. Friday comes on Saturday!
June 13th, 2009 @ 21:23
Hesham: “Lonely” as a nickname! Humm, what a guy! I bet he ran into too many chit-chat over the internet
As for the the question they asked, don’t worry maybe it isn’t listed in the post but sure it’s on the ‘blah blah blah’ list
C’mon Hesham, what intelligence? I can’t say so, it’s just you hit your head aganist the walls to get an idea and work on it properly, and that’s -by the way- why Architects build walls
June 14th, 2009 @ 02:25
It seems to be that a great many people look for social status through their relationships; the so called ‘trophy’ wife for example. There are of course biological imperatives behind this tendancy but it certainly explains the failure of many relationships.
Liam Alexander’s last blog ..Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-06-07
June 14th, 2009 @ 08:08
Finally!! A Blog Worth Reading.. It’s been a while since i have bumped into a new blog with actual content!!
Keep it up dude!
June 14th, 2009 @ 11:25
Great site. I love this.
Jackie Chia’s last blog ..The Rest 50 Ways of Making Money Online
June 14th, 2009 @ 14:46
I dont believe that there is a deadline for marriage, ya3ne it is non sense when someone tells me ya Mohaly el7a2 nafsak !! as if I am gonna catch Swine flu!
Successful marriage comes when both parties are ready (emotional, mental, physical, …etc) and feel that there is something missing and cant be completed without the other..
June 17th, 2009 @ 23:34
@Mohalay: Indeed, there is no deadline for anything except things that you can not control like exams and I fully agree with your input especially the ‘Swine Flu’ one
June 17th, 2009 @ 19:29
I am glad that i found this blog, this post especially hits home with me
Alyssa’s last blog ..Looking for the new path
June 17th, 2009 @ 23:36
Welcome Alyssa and I am glad to read your comment too.
June 17th, 2009 @ 21:12
I understand exactly how you think and feel, as I too am like this. It’s amazing how much emphasis people place on relationships in the social world and hype there is around these terms, and their underlying associations. I like your understanding of what marriage is, as it’s clear and honest to it’s origin in the partnership agreement.
Ana’s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday #6 Musical Energy
June 17th, 2009 @ 23:57
I definitely agree with you, Ana. Sad but Ture!
June 18th, 2009 @ 01:01
I’ve always thought it was sad that people are judged by their status. I remember a boss of mine once wanted me to get married, because in his mind, that meant I would become a more stable employee if I married and bought a house. Nevermind the actual work I was doing for him… that wasn’t enough. Plus there is the age pressure, especially for women.
I learned the hard way that marrying to be married was not the way to go, as my first marriage ended in divorce. I wish I had waited to find the perfect partner, like I have now, and saved myself years of being in an uncomfortable situation.
It doesn’t matter the age, you just have to do it whenever things are right. And if you don’t want to do it, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It is your life, not the others who try to set that influence.
~ Kristi
Kikolani’s last blog ..Benefits of Blogging – Building a Community
June 19th, 2009 @ 00:58
Kristi, I know exactly what you mean. The same old story that I almost hear and see everywhere.
This prove that people are the same everywhere regardless the society; the same stereotyped actions.
Anyway as all of you commented: everyone’s life is his/her own not other’s.
June 18th, 2009 @ 13:11
Hahaha Not only am I a fan of Kimmy Sharing Light, thats my mom…lol. She took the love and peace from me when she started her blog.
Alyssa’s last blog ..Looking for the new path
June 19th, 2009 @ 00:59
Alyssa: No kidding, I thought you’re close but not your Mom! What a small world. Greetings for her till I pop up into your blog and her’s.
June 18th, 2009 @ 13:54
This is a really interesting blog that everyone should have read more than once. I will marry for two days and I was very difficult to decide on this step because I’m not the person that is part of the house.
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June 19th, 2009 @ 01:01
Thanks so much, Cindy. Yeah I know how it’s hard to step into a new lifestyle however it’s about understanding that make it easy.
June 18th, 2009 @ 17:40
Hi Hicham – wow this is amazing. And I just wrote a nice long comment and lost it all…. okay so I start over….
I totally agree with all that you say here and agree on the silliness component you mention when it comes to how we treat the relationship status. That is the main reason why my husband and I prefer not to say we are married, but that we have a unity. We prefer not to put a label and almost a business like contract on our unity and definitely do not need to be represented by it.
Sure we got married (As for the most part this is how society is set up) but perhaps if we had to do it again we would not have. We would still have an amazing love, regardless of a piece of paper dictated by someone else.
June 19th, 2009 @ 01:06
I’m sorry Evita for loosing your past comment.
Interesting point of view, I understand what you mean and it’s important to have this feelings with your partner.
Anyway, I am not aganist this peice of paper but aganist they way people try to force you to get it.
June 19th, 2009 @ 03:41
I really believe you should only get married for one reason. As cliche’ as it sounds, that would be for love. My wife is by far my very best-friend, but it goes even deeper than that because I can’t imagine my life without her. That’s not because I necessarily ‘need’ her, but rather because she is like the oxygen I breathe on a spiritual/emotional level. As for me, that defines love and a soul mate.
June 20th, 2009 @ 00:49
Eric I liked the ‘Oygen’ idea
Viva Human Being 
June 22nd, 2009 @ 08:12
I think focusing so narrowly on marriage leaves out a lot of human relationships, and that narrow view causes problems. Relationships between parents and children, siblings, friends, housemates, etc. are also important but often overlooked. People try to make a marriage do everything, and then it breaks and they wonder why. We need a wider range of intimate, long-term relationships.
Elizabeth Barrette’s last blog ..National Pollinator Week June 22-28
June 23rd, 2009 @ 00:26
That’s an excellent point, Elizabeth. I agree with you and thinking about how strange that sometimes people spoil other relationships -with family for example- because of focusing only about their own marriage!
June 25th, 2009 @ 15:42
Thought-provoking post!
I believe in nothing else but respect of the other’s privacy. I never ask personal questions, and would rather wait until the person trusts me enough to confide in me.
I hate it when people poke their noses in my private life. The thing is I have no significant other at the moment (and haven’t had one in years), so I don’t know what to say when asked.
Mothers are the number one source of such inquiry: “I’m getting old, you need to get married so that your wife helps with the household chores!”. Mom, do you need a daughter-in-law or a house keeper? I can get you the latter far more easily.
Society also likes to violate your secret garden. With co-workers hinting they’d like to marry you, and neighbors telling you they have found the right girl for you, you feel like giving them a big piece of your mind.
The day I feel I am ready and willing to create a family, I won’t seek anybody’s approval or permission. Until then, my answer to all inquisitive minds is: “Not interested.”
June 25th, 2009 @ 20:45
Wilmaryad, you hit the nail on the head with your thought-provoking comment too! Such inquires are annoying enough. I think for relationships can handled well without the interference of other people, unless we asked them for an advice or opinion, But ironically the problem is that you find volunteering opinions that don’t usaly have nothing but to fulfill their curiosity.